The ancient Canaanite deity Baal is super excited to have a statue in his honour placed just outside the Trump golf course in Florida. “I haven’t been honoured in such a public fashion in thousands of ...

In his most emphatic statement to date, US President Donald Trump has told Iranian authorities to give up because he holds all the Dutch Blitz cards. “I’ve got all the cards. All the cards. Buggies.

Mrs. Dorothy Wiebe of Altona was the last senior in town not to get sprayed with a water gun this week and has been crowned winner of Senior Assassin 2026. “I knew they couldn’t get me in church,” ...

Mr. Todd Driedger of Aylmer is always the last one in all of Aylmer, Ontario to switch over to his summer tires. “I could tell Daisy was ready for a change,” said Driedger, stroking Daisy’s mane.

Former FBI director James Comey was indicted this week after posting a photo of seashells that had been arranged to spell ‘606 47.’ “You know what that means?” said President Trump. “Quite frankly I’m ...

Mr. Plett is up in arms this week after Premier Wab Kinew announced plans to ban AI. “What do they expect us to do?” said Plett. “Been so long since I’ve done it the old fashioned way. Doesn’t even ...

Ever since she started following the Unger Review last month, Mrs. Annie Martens’s Facebook feed has been nothing but vereniki. “They’ve got me figured out,” said Martens. “Glums vereniki, blueberry ...

King Charles III was treated to a gourmet state dinner at the White House this week, but the monarch said it failed in comparison to the most memorable meal of his life. “I visited Steinbach with my ...

The 2026 World Cup host cities have been announced and surprisingly ever single one of them is located in a place that’ll be real convenient for Mennonite audiences. Among the choices are Yarrow, BC, ...

Area man Paul Goertzen has decided he’s going to beat everyone else to the punch this year and put up his corn stand at the end of April. “Come get your sweet delicious corn,” said Goertzen, cracking ...

Local accountant Bobby Hamm of Selkirk says he’s sick and tired of hiding his true identity and will be known as Bobby Schinkjefleisch from now on. “It was time,” said Schinkjefleisch. “I’ve been ...

The folks in Martensville were on high alert this week after it was announced that Mr. Harms from Waldheim would be speaking in church next Sunday. “Nah, oba. I don’t like the sound of that guest ...